my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
