How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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