He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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