I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
