Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Boobs speak an international language.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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