My Higher Power is John Stamos
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
