I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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