I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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