she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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