Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
