Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wear drunk well.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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