i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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