It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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