You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
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If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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