I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
