We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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