my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
