i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
