he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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