Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
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When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
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