Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
