i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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