I love black thongs
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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