we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
