return my video game
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
