Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
