Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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