I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
