her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
