You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
