Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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