Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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