I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
