if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
