you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
