I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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