I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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