Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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