they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize