My friends, they love my intelligence
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
