I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
