I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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