I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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