Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
