my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
