Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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