You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
