All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
