So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
