I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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