And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
