It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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