When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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