there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
