you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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