it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
