I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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