I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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