i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
