this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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