Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just google imaged poop.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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