So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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