i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
