Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize